How to be a Succesful, Happy and Single Mother of Five
People think I’m busy, that I’ve always got a tonne of things on and I can’t sit still for five minutes, but I’m a complete novice compared to my friend, Stephanie.
After moving to Australia via NZ from South Africa, she divorced her husband and set about raising her five children, one of whom is autistic, while holding down an executive job and putting as much effort as she could into her own personal development.
Figuring that she needed to be financially independent, she began renovating & selling properties in her spare time and then became an Executive Producer on a movie-length documentary about the 70’s singer, Suzi Quatro.
The way Steph works on herself and how she deals with her large team at work, her kids and in creating her future is fascinating.
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60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share I just found this article, and, to me, it’s spot on. I’ve had several conversations with friends who have younger children who’ve commented that the parents telling the children what to do is “old fashioned” and that parents these days “discuss” things with their children. There’s nothing wrong with discussion, I always explained what and why we were doing things with my kids and we’d have a conversation about it. But make no mistake: the final decision about what we were doing (and what the kids would be doing) was mine. I’m the adult, it’s my responsibility to make sure what the kids are doing is the best thing for everyone concerned. I’ve kept my mouth shut about this because there are so many people who believe that the child knows what’s best for themselves but the way I look at it is this: I have decades more life experience than my child and their well-being is my responsibility. I will ALWAYS listen to their thoughts and input and I will ALWAYS see things from their viewpoint. ALWAYS. But if I think they’re making a mistake or what they’re doing is dangerous, not in their best interest or downright stupid, then it’s MY responsibility to explain to them why I think that, discuss the whole thing and then do things my way. That’s my responsibility as a parent. I was, apparently, absolutely infuriating as the parent of a teen. Said teenager would come home from school, tired and irritable and looking for an argument, and make some outrageous statement to me that was specifically designed to start an argument. Most of the time, I’m a bit unaware of that kind of thing anyway, happily living in my own la-la land, but my commitment to my children is that I understand them: if I don’t understand them and where they’re coming from, I can’t guide them to the best of my ability. So, I’d go quiet while I mulled over whatever ridiculous thing had been said, trying to see things from that perspective and understand why they might think that and then – working on the assumption that the comment was a serious one – I’d have an in-depth discussion about that viewpoint. According to the kids, it was the most exasperating thing that I did; they didn’t want understanding and a discussion, they wanted a fight! The other big one is “no”. No means no. There are no “hard” or “soft” no’s, there’s just “no”. And if I say “no”, the kids are more than welcome to explain why they think that’s the wrong answer and why they think the answer should be “yes”, but if they throw themselves on the floor, stomp out or start yelling at me that I’m mean, then they’ll find a “no” about several other things flying their way too, even if I’ve already said “yes” to them. Yes, I know, I’m far from perfect and yelling at me will often result in not only me yelling back, but me also massively curtailing any pleasurable activities that were planned. As a parent, I am the guide. Like a guide on a mountain trip, it’s my responsibility to make sure that I share my knowledge and equip the group as best as I can for the journey ahead. I wouldn’t be doing my job if I let them wander to the edge of the cliff and walk over it, or if I didn’t warn them of the dangers and make sure they understood. I’m not doing my job if I let them ignore me and do what they want to do. Nor am I doing my job if I didn’t have them look up and see the beauty around them. My job is to have them understand the world, learn how to make sense of things, understand the rules… … note: understanding and following the rules are two completely different things. You can only change the rules if you understand them. But most of all, my job is to have them understand themselves, to learn how they work, where they’re most powerful, where they feel helpless, how they behave, what works for them and what doesn’t, what scares them or defeats them, what makes them feel good. No means no. As a parent, step up to the plate and take responsibility. Teach your children the things they need to know. Just because they don’t think it’s necessary from where they’re sat right now, doesn’t mean that they’re right or that they don’t need to learn it. If you, with your decades of additional experience, can see that this is what they need right now, then that’s what they need. Stop being a flake to the people who are most important in your life. Here is the article written by Dr. Luis Rojas Marcos, Psychiatrist. There is a silent tragedy that is developing day after day in our homes and concerns our most precious jewels: our children. Our children are in a devastating emotional state. Over the past 15 years, researchers have given us increasingly alarming statistics about a sharp and steady increase in childhood mental illness that is now reaching epidemic proportions: The statistics show that: 1 in 5 children have mental health problems A 43% increase in ADHD was noted A 37% increase in adolescent depression was noted A 200% increase in the suicide rate in children between 10 and 14 years has been noted. What is going on and what are we doing wrong? Today’s children are over-stimulated and overloaded with material objects, but they are deprived of what is truly fundamental for a healthy and happy childhood, such as: Emotionally available parents Clearly defined limits Responsibility Balanced nutrition and good sleep quality Movement in the open air Creative play, social interaction, unstructured play opportunities and spaces for boredom. Instead, these last few years we have filled them with: Digitally distracted parents Indulgent and permissive parents who let children “rule the world” and be the ones who set the rules A sense of right, of undeservedly everything without earning it or being responsible for it Inadequate sleep and unbalanced nutrition A sedentary lifestyle Endless stimulation, technological babysitters, instant gratification and the absence of boring moments. What to do? If we want our children to be happy and healthy individuals, we must wake up and go back to basics. It is still possible … with the following recommendations: Set limits and remember that you are the captain of the ship. Your children will feel more confident knowing that you are in control of the helm. Offer children a balanced lifestyle full of what they need, not just what they want. Don’t be afraid to say “no” to your kids if what they want isn’t what they need. Provide nutritious foods and limit junk food. Spend at least an hour a day outdoors doing activities such as: cycling, walking, fishing, bird / insect watching. Enjoy a daily family dinner with no phones or technology to distract them. Play with family board games or if the children are very young for board games, let yourself be carried away by your interests and allow them to lead the game. Involve your children in some homework or homework according to their age (folding clothes, ordering toys, hanging clothes, arranging food, setting the table, feeding the dog, etc.). Implement a consistent sleep routine to ensure that your baby sleeps well. Timetables will be even more important for school-aged children. Teach responsibility and independence. Do not protect them in excess against any frustration or error. Making mistakes will help them develop resilience and learn to overcome life’s challenges, Do not pack your children’s backpack, do not bring their backpacks, do not bring them the task they have forgotten, do not peel their bananas or oranges if they can do it alone (4-5 years). Instead of giving them fish, educate them to fish. Educate them to wait and delay gratification. Provide opportunities for “boredom” as boredom is the moment when creativity awakens. You don’t feel responsible for keeping children entertained. Do not use technology as a cure for boredom, nor offer it on the first second of inactivity. Avoid the use of technology during meals, in cars, in restaurants, in shopping malls. Use these moments as an opportunity to socialize, thus training your brains to work when they are in “boredom” mode. Help them create a “jar of boredom” with business ideas for when they are bored. Turn off phones at night when children have to go to bed to avoid digital distraction. Become a regulator or emotional trainer of your children. Educate them to recognize and manage their frustrations and anger. Educate them to greet, to take turns, to share without remaining without anything, to say thank you and please, to recognize the error and apologize (do not force them), be a model of all those values that you inculcate them. Connect emotionally – smiles, hugs, kisses, tickles, reading, dancing, jumping, playing with them. Thank you for the share. More fabulous podcasts and articles 60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share
60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share THE DEATH OF YOUR CHILD When your life is blown apart by something so traumatic, things can never be the same again. This wasn’t a planned conversation. My friend, Deborah Corbin, and I had planned to talk about something completely different (and much more lighthearted, though no less serious), but the death of Kobe Bryant just a few hours before our chat, changed everything. I knew that Deborah’s son, Graham, died a few days before Christmas in 2017. I knew how much pain Graham’s death had obviously caused Deborah and how much effort it took for her to keep going and take care of the rest of her family in the appalling aftermath. But I didn’t know the details of what had happened and I certainly didn’t want to ask; the woman was in enough pain without me getting her to go through it all again by recounting the story for my benefit. If she wanted to talk, I made sure she knew I was there, but I wasn’t going to open that conversation; that was for her to do. This is the first time Deborah has spoken openly and publicly about what happened with Graham and how she’s dealt with it – and is still dealing with it. Kobe Bryant’s untimely death brought it all back to the surface. Make no mistake, while this conversation is about an horrific turn of events, it’s primarily about hope, creating wonderful memories, and rebuilding your life. Deborah has been a dedicated educator and life coach for many years now, and she put all of her learnings to good use to help pick herself up and carry on with life. Listen to the podcast and find out: ✨❤️✨ The full story of what happened ✨❤️✨ The difficulties faced when someone dies in a different state ✨❤️✨ How the emotions are like waves and how to not let them drown you ✨❤️✨ How to deal with the grief, anger and sadness, both in the initial stages and ongoingly ✨❤️✨ How to recreate yourself and your life after such a life-changing event ✨❤️✨ Why you NEED to ask for – and how to get – support ✨❤️✨ How to find a new purpose in life ✨❤️✨ How to deal with the grief the rest of your family are feeling ✨❤️✨ How to talk about what happened, and why you need to do that ✨❤️✨ Deborah wants to reach out to as many other people who are going through similar things in the hope that she can support them or at least offer some insights as to how they might make sense of things and begin to get their life back together ✨❤️✨ So, click on the button below to listen to this inspirational – and heartbreaking – story. I’ve done very little editing of the audio; I wanted you to hear the story as I did. Thanks for listening xxx ✨❤️✨ Click here to connect with Deborah on Facebook ✨❤️✨ Deborah recommends… It always makes a difference when something is recommended by someone you trust. Here are Deborah’s favourite books. The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks 4 Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferris 🌟🌟🌟 MUST READ BOOKS! 🌟🌟🌟 Here you’ll find the books recommended by all my guests as well as the books that I love personally. Find Your Next Favourite Book Here More fabulous podcasts and great articles Subscribe today and you’ll get new episodes right when they’re released! 60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share
60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share Marie-Anne Lecoeur is an expert in: 🌟🌟 French chic and style (as opposed to fashion) 🌟🌟 Identifying your body shape 🌟🌟 Dressing to suit your body shape 🌟🌟 Finding your own stylish flair 🌟🌟 Eating to nourish your body and maintain a healthy weight 🌟🌟 Home cooking the French way 🌟🌟 Living a minimalist (and tidy!) life (she was writing about this BEFORE Marie Kondo!) 🌟🌟 Organising your cupboards and closets in an attractive and inviting way I’ve known Marie-Anne for more than three years now. We speak on the phone several times a week. I knew all of the things that she does online but I didn’t know half of the things I found out about her personally during this interview! 🌟🌟 Marie-Anne quit her job at the age of 50 to follow her love of writing 🌟🌟 Within a few months, she had not one but TWO Amazon best selling books: “You only live once, Ka-REN” (say in a strong French accent) “And, like most people, I felt like I had a book in me, so one Sunday, I sat down in the garden and just wrote and wrote.” 🌟🌟 For the next six months or so, one or the other of her books was the best seller in its category 🌟🌟 She left her home in the Channel Islands and headed to Mexico 🌟🌟 Now back in France she bought and renovated a 200-year old run down cottage 🌟🌟 Her You Tube channel focusses on style and food 🌟🌟 Her videos have had more than 6 million views Click on the link below to listen to the podcast and find out more about this hilarious and passionate woman. CONNECT with Marie-Anne YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3iINwXX6oQ0DqfE1SQ-S-w Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/marieanne.lecoeur Facebook page – https://www.facebook.com/howtobechicandelegant/ Web – https://www.howtobechicandelegant.com More fabulous podcasts and great articles Subscribe today and you’ll get new episodes right when they’re released! 60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share
60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share In this episode, I talk to Kylie Mitchell, House Designer, business owner, and all-round awesome person about how she dealt with a brain tumour, a marriage break up, becoming a grandmother before the age of 50, and then being diagnosed with breast cancer. And if she didn’t have enough going on in her life, she also rebuilt her business while all this was going on, got back onto the dating scene (which is definitely an in-depth conversation for the future) and moved interstate. Enjoy the podcast and don’t forget to click on subscribe. xxx Links and further information The links that Kylie mentioned are: The naturopath is Carla Wren at The Peninsula Herbal Dispensary in Mornington, Vic. She will do remote consults. Her website is www.arthouses.com.au (NB: It’s getting some new changes as that was for the NSW business) Facebook Personal – Kylie Mitchell Facebook Business – The Art House Factory YouTube – Kylie Mitchell – The Art House Factory Instagram Personal – Kyliearthouses Instagram Business – The Art House Factory More fabulous podcasts and great articles Subscribe today and you’ll get new episodes right when they’re released! Connect with me! If you haven’t guessed by now, I LOVE meeting new people! Connect with me on Facebook – on my personal profile or on the Menopause, Marriage and Motherhood Page (the icon with the flag), as well as Instagram. But DEFINITELY JOIN OUR MENOPAUSE, MARRIAGE AND MOTHERHOOD FACEBOOK GROUP! Social media can be a scary place but this group gives you a safe, supportive, encouraging and fun space to connect with other midlife women and for all of us to share our stories and our lives. Karen O’Connor Menopause, Marriage & Motherhood Page Menopause, Marriage & Motherhood Page Karen O’Connor 60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share
60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share 😂💖 How To Have The Best Day EVER 💖😂 In this episode, I share what got me out of the dark hole that I was in a few years ago and the things that I do to make sure that I have the best day possible. I discovered that if I start my day doing things I don’t enjoy such as housework, screaming at kids, emptying the dishwasher, doing the laundry and that kind of thing, then I find that by the time I go to bed, all I’ve done is… Housework, scream at kids, empty the dishwasher, do the laundry and that kind of thing. It’s weird. I felt that I probably ought to try something different to see if my whole experience of life was different, but that’s easier said than done, right? After all, when you’ve got kids, the moment your foot hits the floor in the morning, someone wants you to do stuff for them and you’re off and running at the speed of light. I found it relentless. I felt like my whole entire life consisted of boring, mundane, meaningless crap. So, I moaned about it for a while (okay, several years) and then I decided to try a few different things. This is what works for me: 💖 How to use affirmations to regain self-esteem & rediscover your purpose 💖 How to incorporate your passions into your everyday life 💖 How to create a daily routine tailored for you 💖 The importance of putting yourself first even when you’ve got kids 💖 Which apps, books, tools and people I use to help me have the best day ever. Listen NOW! More fabulous podcasts and great articles 60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share
60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share In this inaugural episode of Menopause, Marriage and Motherhood, I talk about some of the ups and downs of life. I have to say, this was by far the most difficult and confronting episode to do; I don’t like talking about myself. I suspect that being English has something to do with it: it’s just not the done thing to talk about oneself, lol. And it’s more than a little terrifying to talk publicly about some of the things that have happened: buying a mansion when we were broke (it was literally a mansion), going bankrupt, business failures and successes, picking ourselves up and starting again, and doing all that while trying to bring up four kids. It’s actually taken me MONTHS to record this and even now, I’m really not happy with the whole thing. Actually, a good description would be terrified and confronted! Oh well, time to get over myself because some days, all you can do is laugh. 😂💖 Listen NOW! 🎧😍😊 Click on the button to be the first to find out about new episodes! More fabulous podcasts and great articles 60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share
60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share Have you ever had a no spend weekend? I have to admit, the whole idea of a no spend weekend makes me want to vomit. I mean, who, in their right minds would want to focus on NOT SPENDING for a minute, let alone a weekend. I know that there are people out there who love the whole idea of frugality and can go for weeks, months or even YEARS without spending any money. I’m not one of them. Let’s cut right to the chase here: I really, really enjoy spending money. I also believe that the more you focus on NOT doing something, the more you want to do it. It’s basic human nature. Okay, it’s basically my nature, but I suspect I’m not the only one. So, I had to go about this in a different way: instead of focusing on NOT spending, I put my energy into finding really interesting and fun things to do that were FREE. Although I like spending money, I also like getting stuff for free. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I feel quite smug when I get something for free. Fabulously Free Fun Days While I’m going to keep the title of this post No Spend Weekend because it has quite a nice ring to it, as far as I’m concerned, this is really Fabulously Free Fun Days. This is a brilliant reminder that you can actually have a lot of fun without spending a fortune. Remember those childhood days spent wandering in the woods or building cubby houses in the neighbours garden? The big bonus of this is that a No Spend Weekend can have a huge positive impact on your finances. Huge. So, here are my favourite ideas to kick start you, but put on your own thinking cap to see what ideas you can come up with for new activities. 35 things to do on a No Spend Weekend 1. Play board games My family love board games but we rarely seem to play them. Mainly because we have several ultra-competitive children who don’t like losing! However, a no spend weekend is the perfect time to put a game night in the diary. 2. Have a home spa day There are lots of frugal homemade beauty treatments you can make using ingredients you already have at home. Or just have a nice long soak in the bath with some candles lit, music playing and your favourite drink. 3. Watch a TED talk TEDTalks are among some of the most inspiring and educational videos available and it’s completely free. 4. Visit your local botanic gardens Most Australian towns have a local botanic gardens. Find out about the local flora, bush tucker and the non-native trees and plants in the area. 5. Try out your local bike trail More and more of these are cropping up around the country. They mainly follow the old railways lines, so the trails are fairly flat and easy to cycle. Many of them go through beautiful countryside and national parks, too. 6. Get creative in the kitchen Try your own version of Ready Steady Cook and invent a new dish with whatever you’ve got in the cupboards. Buying extra ingredients is cheating! 7. Go to the library I’m a huge reader but for some reason I rarely go to the library any more. Till recently. Our local library not only has the most amazing range of books, they also have regular free special events such as craft workshops, writers workshops, children’s storytelling, and school holiday activities. 8. Give yourself a reflexology session This is a lovely thing to do and it’s a great skill to learn. Reflexology can not only help you relax but it’s amazingly beneficial for your overall health & wellbeing. There are heaps of free how-to videos on YouTube. 9. Invite some friends round for a Fire Pit & BBQ Dig a small pit in the backyard and have a little bonfire. Get everyone to bring some marshmallows and toast them as you chat. 10. Go for a bushwalk Out in the countryside if you can, or just explore a new part of town. Maybe try to find a new park or new favourite neighbourhood in your city, 11. Have a sleepover Why should it only be kids who do this? Invite some friends round and have a sleepover. Play games, give each other massages & facials, eat popcorn and watch movies. 12. Start a blog! Blogging is fun, creative and could even make you money further down the line! There are lots of free sites that will help you get your very own website up and running in a day. Whether you want to blog for money or just find a platform to express yourself and share your knowledge of a hobby, blogging is a top activity that you can start with no money. 13. Go to a museum Visiting a museum or art gallery is definitely one of the best things to do with no money. While some of the bigger museums may charge entry fees, there are heaps of smaller & local museums and historic villages that are either free or entry by donation. We’re just so lucky to have free museum entry so make the most of it 14. Have a doona day It’s so much fun to stay in bed all day every now and then. Not to mention cheap! Watch Netflix, read a book, take lots of naps. Wear your cosiest pyjamas and try one of those homemade face masks I mentioned above. If you’re usually a very busy person, giving yourself permission to stay in bed can be one of the nicest and thriftiest forms of self care. 15. Start learning a language Try a free app like Duolingo. 16. Plan your dream holiday It’s fun to have a dream trip planned, even if you can’t afford it right now. It might even motivate you to start that side hustle and save up for it! 17. Do a free yoga video on YouTube A good channel is Yoga With Adriene. Her videos are very accessible for beginners. You don’t need a yoga mat or fancy yoga clothes – just dive in! 18. Call someone for a chat I bet you have a relative or friend who would love to hear from you. 19. Attend a free local event There are always events happening somewhere close for most of us. Check the local paper or online to find out what’s happening. 20. Write a letter to a friend who lives far away Who doesn’t love getting a letter in the post? 21. Make a vision board This is really motivational, especially if you’re working on a side project (or two or three…) like me. Write down your goals, then make make a dream board on Pinterest, or the old fashioned way, cutting pictures out of magazines to hang over your desk! You get to spend a quiet weekend daydreaming and then the next few months making your dream reality 22. Go for a picnic or a BBQ If it’s raining, have it on the floor at home. Don’t buy anything though – you’ll have to use what you’ve got at home! 23. People watch Find a nice bench somewhere busy and watch the world go by. 24. Visit an elderly relative or neighbour They’ll be happy, you’ll be happy, and you might even get a free meal out of it 25. Learn to meditate Scientists are clear about the benefits of meditation for our health, mood and relationships. A no-spend challenge is the perfect time to learn – especially if you’re looking for things to do on your own on the weekend. Again, YouTube to the rescue with plenty of guided mediation videos for beginners. There are also free apps like Insight Timer that have ambient sounds to help you focus. 26. Bake a cake If you already have some basic ingredients in, simple cakes are really cheap to make. 27. Volunteer This might take some organising, but it’ll be worth it. See if there’s a local one-off event that needs some help, or maybe there’s an animal shelter near you that needs dog walkers? 28. Film night at home Pop your own popcorn – it’s super cheap! 29. Do some photography Go down to your local park and get some close ups of the flowers and plants or go round the city and take some interesting shots of the local buildings. You’ll find plenty of ideas for photos on the internet. 30. Clear out your wardrobe, a cupboard or a room It feels fantastic to clear things out and tidy them up. I’m a huge fan of decluttering, and it’s one of the reasons I enjoy moving house so often: it’s the perfect opportunity to declutter. You can even sell what you decide to get rid of to earn some extra cash! 31. Have a garage sale Once you’ve got that wardrobe/cupboard/room tidy, hold a garage sale to earn some cash from your castoffs. 32. Home karaoke You don’t need fancy mics or software, just have a good old singsong at home! There are loads of karaoke videos on YouTube or you can get the old Sing Star out and warble along to that. 33. Make some artwork This could be a good group activity with your family or friends. 34. Listen to podcasts I’ve only started getting into podcasts recently, but they are great for staying entertained and/or educating while doing less fun things (housework/driving). 35. Learn some constellations, then go out and stargaze Go out at night and see what you can spot. There are some great apps that show you what to look for or you could borrow a book from the library! How about you? Do you have any favourite free things to do? Can you recommend any activities to do with no money? Let me know in the comments! More fabulous podcasts and articles 60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share
60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share I read a book recently – Unleash Your Inner Money Babe: How to Manifest $1,000 on 30 Days by Katherine Zenkina – and as I was reading through it, I realised that I knew all this stuff already. All of it. I just didn’t put it into practise. So, I put it into practise. And guess what? 21 days later, $1,000 landed in my bank account. Out of the blue, totally unexpected. It was from someone who’s been promising to pay me the money since last December. I’ve chased them up a few times, and there were half-hearted promises, the last one several months ago, but I didn’t expect to actually see the money. But against all my expectation, once I put the practises from the book into place, BAM! There was the money. Isn’t that interesting? I got to wondering what other practises are there that I know about and that could be helping me to get my life moving in the direction that I want it to move, when I saw this pin: 10 Things To Do At The Beginning Of Every Month To Be Super Organised. What a fabulous list to write! What a helpful tool to have! With acknowledgement to Laura at thosepositivethoughts.com for the original idea, I rewrote the list based on the things that I do and find important. So, here you go: 10 THINGS TO DO AT THE START OF EACH MONTH TO BE SUPER FOCUSED AND CLEAR 1. REVIEW THE PREVIOUS MONTH The beginning of the month is the perfect time to reflect on how the previous month went as well as planning for the upcoming month. Over the last few years, I’ve realised how powerful journaling is in both keeping me on track and helping me to let go of the things that are holding me back. Sit down and spend half an hour or so looking back over the previous month. Go through all the areas of your life, e.g. family, relationships, work/career, money, health, etc. to see how you fared against your goals for that area 2. SET YOUR GOALS FOR THE COMING MONTH Using your list of the areas of your life and your goals & outcomes for each one, create a list of actions that you want to take this coming month. 3. MAKE PLANS WITH FRIENDS & FAMILY The problem with being busy is that we tend to get to the end of the month and realise that all we’ve done is our daily grind. We haven’t spent any time doing things that we enjoy doing, or things that energise us and make us feel good. Take a little time at the start of each month to plan some socialising time. Schedule in dinner with your family, a date night with your partner, a movie night with your bestie, a Sunday afternoon barbecue or picnic for your extended family & friends. Make it a priority to organise this kind of thing. 4. SCHEDULE YOUR CALENDAR This is one of THE most important things you can do to make sure you’re focused for the entire month. Once you’ve completed the three things above, grab hold of any appointment cards, notes from school, your action list, relevant emails and letters and start scheduling them in. Remember, if it isn’t in your calendar, you’re likely to forget it. And if it IS in your calendar, you don’t have to worry about it till the reminder comes up. Schedule EVERYTHING in. All your appointments, all your action items, all your socialising, self care, school events, meetings, gym visits, everything. Put reminders on them all and then simply check your calendar for the next day before you go to bed. You’ll feel super organised and productive! 5. BUDGET FOR THE MONTH The beginning of the month is a great time to budget for the month ahead. Once you’ve figured out what’s happening in the upcoming month, you can figure out how much you need to spend. 6. ORGANISE YOUR DESK/OFFICE SPACE Your work space should inspire you, motivate you, and bring out the best in you. Personally, I find it impossible to work if there’s a mess around me. But I have to admit that that doesn’t mean that I’m super organised in my workspace; it just means that I shove everything in cupboards (tidily) so that it’s not in my face! The start of the month is the perfect time to get that filing done, clean your desk (get the cleaning gear out!) and make the whole area feel inviting, clear & inspiring. You can add a few photos, candles or inspiring quotes, and if you can, treat yourself to some new stationery or pens. 7. CLEAN OUT YOUR FRIDGE & PANTRY Sometimes, I cringe when I open my fridge. Milk spills in the door, wilted bits of lettuce in the bottom of the veggie box, dried up bits of cheese floating at the back of the shelf and those inevitable empty jars that have been placed in the fridge by the friendly household ghost. It has to be a ghost that’s responsible because no one in the family ever owns up to putting empty jars & packets back in the fridge and pantry, yet there they all are. At the start of every month, give your pantry and fridge a good clean out. Throw out all the empty packets, jars, the half-eaten containers of food that are now out of date and wipe everything down. Doing this has the added bonus of giving you a good idea of what items need replacing and what you’re running short on. 8. TIDY YOUR LAUNDRY & CLOSET Let’s be honest, most of our time is spent in a rush and putting away the laundry isn’t high on our list of priorities. Unlike some of my friends (I’m not going to mention any names, but you know who you are!), I’m pretty good at clearing out my laundry and putting away the clean clothes, but I do tend to just chuck socks and undies in the general direction of the drawer and hope for the best. Spend a little time getting on top of your laundry and getting everything organised. Put the clothes away where they’re supposed to go, maybe even in colour order! Tidy your undies drawer. Go through your clothes, throw away things that are worn out and put together a bag of unused clothes to give to your local charity. 9. CLEAR OUT YOUR WALLET / PURSE / BAG I’m a mother of four. I know exactly what my wallet and my bag can look like after a few weeks of neglect and it’s not pretty. At the start of each month, take the time to clear all the receipts from your wallet/purse. Organise your money so the notes in your wallet go from the largest at the front, to the smallest. This one minor detail can make you feel more wealthy because when you look at your money, you’re looking at a larger amount, not the smallest one. It’s a bit of psychology there, but it works! Clear that mass of detritus that collects in the bottom of your handbag / purse. The random tissues, hair ties, sweet wrappers, notes from school, bus tickets and all the other junk that you just chuck in your bag so it’s out of the way. Get rid of it. 10. CHOOSE A BOOK TO READ I love a good book (or ten) and I generally get through a book a week. I usually alternate between a good fiction book (I’m partial to a bit of Marian Keyes and Danielle Hawkins, an amazing NZ writer) and some kind of personal development/money book. Give yourself a bit of a boost and read a couple of books – one for pleasure and one to move your life forward – every month if you can. I hope this list helps you to get the most out of your month! K xxx More fabulous podcasts & articles 60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share
60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share How can you tell if someone is a vegan? There was a rare but companionable lull in the conversation between my friend and I as we sat having lunch one sunny day. Both of us love people watching and we soaked up the opportunity for a bit of observation, until suddenly she said, “How can you tell if someone is a vegan?” Ooh, this was interesting, I thought. I scanned the crowd, looking for signs that someone might be a vegan, but other than the obvious (and highly stereotypical) signs from their clothing, i.e. women wearing long, flowing, purple skirts adorned with tiny mirrors and bells or men with wild beards & hair sporting highly patterned shirts unbuttoned to the waist, I had no clue. There were no physical differences that I could see, so I was really intrigued as to how I could spot it. “I don’t know”, I responded. “They’ll tell you.” she replied, “Loudly.” I’ve written a couple of articles on intolerance from people who believe that they’re the ones with the only true beliefs or knowledge and that the rest of the world needs to acknowledge their superiority and align themselves with their beliefs. And I hate to say it, but there are a fair number of Vegans who fall into that category. Vegan vs Keto A case in point: I go over to the UK to find that my brother, Alan, is pretty close to morbidly obese. He needs to lose weight fast and I suggest that he goes on a Keto diet. For those of you who don’t know, the keto diet consists mainly of meat and veg and is pretty much zero carbs. According to WedMD, “Ketosis is a normal process that happens when your body doesn’t have enough carbs to burn for energy. Instead, it burns fat and makes substances called ketones, which it can use for fuel.” Keto is about retraining your body to use fat for energy rather than carbs, so as far as I’m concerned, it’s ideal for my brother. Alan put up a post on Facebook, declaring his weight loss & lifestyle intentions, accompanied by photos of the food he’s just prepped (see photo: it looked amazing), openly sharing his journey with the world, something that takes a lot of courage. A Vegan Jedi friend of his (that’s what he calls himself, so don’t assume I’m name calling here), comments that Alan is going to kill himself, that Keto causes heart disease and stroke, that it increases his diabetes risk and suggests to Alan that he check that the person who’s told him about the Keto diet isn’t just trying to sell a book. I’m not. And, let’s face it, if Alan doesn’t lose weight quickly, he’s a prime candidate for all those things anyway. What works and what doesn’t Here’s where my advice came from: 56 years of listening to my body, trying every lifestyle diet that there is and finding out what works and doesn’t work for me and my body. Since Alan and I are related, it’s likely that at least some of the things I’ve found are applicable to him. But the first thing he needs to do is DETOX to find out what his body does and doesn’t like. In other words, he needs to go on an elimination diet and cut out all but the most basic foods (i.e. meat & veg) eaten with the minimum preparation, then slowly reintroduce things to see what is causing his body aggravation. The most obvious way of doing that in a simple word accompanied by easy-to-find recipes: Keto. In my opinion, and from my personal experience, the worst thing he could do is go vegan. The reason? Soy products have some serious side effects and soy is one of the things that causes me the most problems. Unleash the power within A few years ago, we attended Anthony Robbins’ Unleash The Power Within weekend, including doing the firewalk. The whole weekend was amazing. Tony Robbins recommends a raw vegan diet, so of course, after a weekend like that and always being keen on feeling better, I put the entire family on a vegan diet. After six or eight months, I had to stop because my hair was falling out, my skin was awful, I was putting on weight, I was permanently on iron tablets, my sleep patterns were shot, and I felt weak and lifeless. If it was doing that to me, god only knows what it was doing to the kids. I thought I’d be okay on a vegan diet because I’ve gone years at a time without eating meat since being young. Not because of any moral reason but because I didn’t feel I needed to eat meat, it wasn’t what my body required at that time. But somehow, after several months or years, I always ended up eating meat again. Intolerances Twelve months ago, after spending years trying to figure out why my digestion wasn’t working too well, why I put on weight after eating certain foods, why I couldn’t sleep, why I had no energy, I went on an elimination diet. It had some surprising (and devastating) results. My body doesn’t like/can’t process: Gluten – which is really annoying because I love baking and I love bread. Legumes (beans & peas), particularly soy products Nuts – particularly cashews & brazils (no more Chocolate Brazil Nuts!) Some seeds – for heaven’s sake. Fructose – I can tolerate fructose in small amounts, but more than 2 pieces of fruit a day and I pile on the pounds Mushrooms – the only thing I’m actually allergic to is mould and all things mould-related, up to and including penecillin. Lactose – again, I can tolerate it in small amounts Nightshades – potatoes, capsicum, tomatoes, aubergine/eggplant (I get joint pain when I eat these) Canola/Rapeseed Sugar – obviously Low fat/oil – My joints seize up and my skin dries out so I look like a prune if I don’t ingest enough oil It’s no wonder a vegan diet didn’t suit me really, is it? Despite what Vegans will tell you (loudly), it’s not for everyone. There is no One-Diet-Fits-All because we’re all different. I believe that we all need to find out what does and doesn’t suit our body and go with that. If we’re eating what works for us, we’ll naturally be fit and healthy. The goals and outcomes The whole point with my brother (or anyone else) is not that he goes on a diet to lose weight, but that he changes his lifestyle and eating habits to support his body and feel the best that he can, and that’s what he’s doing. This is what I recommended to Alan for his new lifestyle (to be reviewed at some point in the future): Cut out all processed foods including sugar Cut out pre-prepared foods, particularly snacks Eliminate grains and legumes Minimise dairy Max 2 pieces of fruit a day Use butter/ghee or Avocado oil for cooking, Olive oil at a pinch. Drink the juice of a freshly squeezed lemon in 400ml of water every morning before you eat or drink anything else This article and website by Joelene of Yummy Inspirations explains ketosis and has some fantastic recipes for both ‘strict’ and ‘lazy’ keto recipes (‘lazy’ keto is when you don’t count the carbs, you just eliminate them as much as possible without obsessing about it, which seems like a much better idea to me!). I generally follow an Auto Immune Protocol diet (you can find out more about AIP here) because that’s what suits my body, but I’m not obsessive about it. I’ll go and eat pizza or rice occasionally and then I go back to my diet to give my body time to readjust. Alan may or may not end up eating the same way, but his focus right now is to get the weight off and get into a healthier state. Follow the journey You can follow Alan’s journey on his Facebook page, our website and our YouTube channel. What are your thoughts on this? K xxx More fabulous articles and podcasts 60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share
60 SHARES Share on Facebook Follow us Save Share We’re a nation drowning in debt Money is the leading cause of marital disharmony 10 easy-to-follow, clear steps to get out of debt How to go from no debt to debt-free Not doing #3 is the reason most people fail Debt is at an all-time high in pretty much every country in the world and particularly in the western world. We lurve our debt. We wanna have all that stuff, all those things. We want to spend, spend, spend and the banks are more than willing to give us the cash to go out and buy all the things the ads tell us will make us happy, more beautiful, sexier, smarter, better. Of course, the banks charge a premium for giving us this money, but, hey! What price our happiness, right? We deserve all these things because we work so hard, we’re amazing parents, we’re stressed out, we just deserve to have it all. And we deserve to have it right now. Why would we want to wait till we’ve saved up? We can have that happiness whenever we want it…. …at a price. Between 14% and 24% annual interest rate. Compounded. But hey! Like I said before, what price happiness, right? The bank hands us an (unasked for) increase on our credit card because we’ve been good little customers and maxed out our old limit. “Here’s some more money for you to go out and spend!” they say, “Go and enjoy yourself, you deserve it!” So, we do. We go out and splash out on some new clothes, a fancy dinner, some flash new parts for the car, a holiday, and we feel great. “Man, it’s so good having that extra money!” we say to ourselves, “I’m so glad the bank gave us that increase on our card!” The following month, we get our new credit card statement. We look at the minimum payment that we have to make… and wonder how we’re ever going to do it. How are we ever going to pay it off? Our happiness at the new shoes or souped up car or the week spent on the beach in Bali suddenly evaporates as we look at the length of time and the amount of money that it’s going to take us to pay for that brief little boogie of blissfulness. Here’s some stats. Grab a cup of how, sweet tea, because you’re going to need it. Say you have a credit card with $2,000 on it. The bank helpfully gives you a minimum monthly payment amount, which we pay, right? We take out the credit and then pay off the minimum. So, if you have a $2,000 credit card debt with an APR of 17.99% (that’s an average kind of rate for a credit card), the minimum monthly payments on your statement will tell you to pay $41 a month. “Coolio!” you think, doing some quick calculations in your head, “I should be paying this little charmer off in… just over 4 years: $41 x 49 months = $1,968. That’s a long time, but, hey ho, you can maybe live with it. Wrong! Time to pay off the card if you make the minimum monthly payment and – most importantly – don’t charge anything else to the card: A whopping 18 years and 8 months! You’ll be paying off those shoes or that holiday or the souped up car parts for almost 19 years, probably 15 years or so after whatever you purchased ended up as landfill or “18 years ago today” reminders on Facebook. And you’ll pay a total of $3,684 in interest. On a $2,000 loan. You’ll pay almost double the amount you borrowed in interest alone. You still have to pay off the actual amount you borrowed. Avoiding debt – or getting out of debt – is something most of us don’t appreciate until we’re swamped by debt. We take out the cards, pay off the minimum monthly amount and keep that sucker maxed to its limit. We also do the same thing with our Line of Credit mortgages because that’s way cheaper than credit cards, so that’s okay, right? If you have any loans at all, my advice is to get rid of them as soon as possible. The weight of having to pay them, month in, month out, is dragging us under. So, set yourself up to win: follow the Terrific 10-Step Strategy to Becoming Debt-Free 1. Get a grip Take Ownership – The most important step in becoming debt free is to take responsibility. The credit card companies and advertisers may have encouraged us to go and spend to but it’s ultimately us who racked up those charges. Stop complaining, stop blaming and start taking control of your life. Understand That This is a Problem – The banks won’t keep lending you money forever and ever, and you’ll just get further and further into debt. At some point (probably soon if you’re reading this), you’ll reach your credit limit, there will be no more money available, and you’ll spend the rest of your life paying for all the stuff you’ve bought so far. Stop wishing that the problem will just go away by itself and start dealing with the situation. Debt is a problem.Start reducing what you owe immediately and stop thinking that you can just drag it out infinitely. 2. Get the full picture Start a Budget – People don’t budget because it’s boring and it can be very, very confronting to face up to how much you actually spend. Plus, it can be hard work (not to mention depressing) to stick to a budget. But having a budget is absolutely essential. Knowing where your money is going is the first step to figuring out how to save more money. The more money you save, the more money you have available to repay loans and get out of debt. Make a Plan – Trying to get out of debt without a plan is like trying to head off somewhere in your car without a map. You need to work out where you’re going and how you’re going to get there. The other great thing about having a plan is that you get to see progress. It’s so satisfying to tick things off when you’ve achieved them. 3. Get Support Have a Regular Meeting About Your Finances – Schedule a regular monthly meeting with your spouse/partner. Check on where you’re at, how everything is going and figure out whether you can save more money, whether you can pay off your debt quicker than you’d planned, and then list out the actions for the next 30 days. Just remember: you are unlikely to stick to anything if you feel deprived. Make sure that you allow enough of a buffer to give yourself a few treats. Find a Debt Reduction Buddy – I can’t encourage you to do this enough. Having someone to talk to, hold you to account and encourage you when you’re down is crucial. On top of that, you get to support them when they’re not feeling crash hot about the whole thing, too, and knowing that you’re making a difference to someone’s life is always a fantastic feeling. Find a friend (not your spouse/partner, have someone outside your close relationship) to work with so you can support each other while you both head towards being debt-free. I chat with my Debt Reduction Buddy every day for 5 or 10 minutes, just to check on how we’re going and whether we’re on track. Every few weeks, we’ll have a longer call and share in depth where we’re at (my buddy and I live 3,600 kilometres apart!). But if you can’t talk every day, make it at least a weekly chat, preferably more. Any longer than that and you’ll likely fall off the bandwagon. 4. Educate yourself – give yourself the advantage Learn the Power of Compound Interest – I discovered the power of compound interest when we first started learning about the whole wealth creation thing. I just never thought about the fact that while compound interest is wonderful at increasing your investments, it’s just as wonderful at increasing the banks’ investments, i.e. the interest on the loans and debts that I have with them. Read the Fine Print – The majority of us don’t pay any attention to the fine print when we take a loan or apply for a credit card. It’s small print, it’s designed so we just ignore it. It’s generally in legal jargon, it’s boring and so it becomes confusing. Considering how much the detail can affect us (hidden fees & charges, payout fees, ongoing fees, etc), if you can’t read it yourself, pay someone (a solicitor or legal advice kind of person) to read and explain it all to you. You’re likely to save far more than their cost when you find out what’s in that fine print. 5. Take care of the pounds Consolidate Your Debt if Possible – Unless you can keep up with all the bills, sometimes it’s easier to consolidate your debt. It might make sense to get a low rate personal loan, for example, to pay off all the different credit cards and small loans if the interest works in your favour. It’s a lot easier to manage one loan instead of six. Credit Cards are Loans – Understand that using your credit card is borrowing money. When you borrow money, it needs to be repaid. With interest. 6. Take care of the pennies Get Rid Of Your Credit Cards – I personally don’t like credit cards. I know a lot of people who use them for business purposes so they can get the rewards or the flights or whatever, but personally, I think they’re too tempting. It’s so easy to just not pay everything off one month, and then the next month, you can’t pay it all off, it’s too big, and so the cycle of debt starts again (hands up if you’ve done this. Mine’s in the air and waving around like a lunatic). If you’re like me and you have a hard time keeping yourself from splurging, just get rid of them. Get a a Visa or Mastercard debit card attached to your bank account, then you can still buy stuff online but it’s not on credit. Send Multiple Small Payments Instead Of One Big One – Some loans compound daily (read the fine print to find out which ones, or call the lender and ask) so the sooner you can send in payment, the better. Instead of sending money once a month, send in smaller amounts whenever you have money and it will save you heaps on interest over time. Ask for a Lower Rate – Call your bank and negotiate your rates. Do a little research and find the current offers on cards or loan rates, then call your lender and tell them that you’re thinking of moving banks so you can save some money on your payments. But you could stay if they could match their competitors’ rate… You’ll be amazed at what you can get if you ask for it (like a 1% drop in mortgage rate that saved me $800 a month!). Sweat the Small Fees – Small fees add up. A couple of dollars here, several late payments there, and you are looking at hundreds of dollars each year. Our bank fees last year (including business banking) amounted to over $1400. $132.50 of that was in those $2.50 ATM charges. We switched our bank to ING who refund all of those ATM charges, an instant $132.50 a year saving. Every penny counts. Instead of paying the banks that money in fees, use it to pay off your loans. Keep Trying to Trim Your Bills – People are always coming up with ever more intriguing and exciting ways to save money. Keep scouring the internet, pinning on
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